ORCA//VID_
> ./recruit --interactive [ WAITING ]

The revolution needs a projectionist.

No experience necessary. Some suffering required. If you have ever finished a film out of pure spite, kept watching a show you hated because you’d come this far, or defended a movie at a party knowing it was indefensible, you already have the training. We just need you to point it at a tank.

SYSTEM
CLASS SELECTION AVAILABLE. Choose carefully. Classes cannot be changed. (They can. There’s a form. Nobody fills it out.)
Choose your class

Four ways to free a whale. Technically a dolphin. Don’t.

Class

Projectionist

Runs the screen. Holds the remote. Never, ever looks at the film.

NERVE 9 · SMUGGLE 4 · STR 2Special: Second Reel, swap films mid-screening without the orca noticing the seam.
Class

Smuggler

Gets the payload inside. Has hidden a Blu-ray in a frozen fish. Has hidden a frozen fish in a Blu-ray case, and is not allowed to explain why.

SMUGGLE 10 · CHARM 6Special: Customs Face.
Class

Critic

Sits with the orca through the worst parts so it knows it isn’t alone. Whispers context. Never spoils the ending.

EMPATHY 9 · ENDURANCE 10Special: Talk Through It.
Class

Distraction

Keeps staff busy for ninety minutes. Asks for directions to the gift shop, then the other gift shop, then about the gift shop’s history.

CHARM 8 · STAMINA 7Special: Churro Inquiry.
Skill tree

Unlockables.

Lv 1
Smuggle DVDWorks in most parks. Fails at airports, for reasons we are still discussing with the airports.
Lv 2
Talk Through ItNarrate the film’s mistakes in a calm, low voice. Orca morale +2. Nearby humans −5.
Lv 2
Pretend to Buy a ChurroHolds one staff member’s full attention for up to six minutes. Stacks.
Lv 3
Steady Laser PointerHighlight a continuity error from forty feet away without hitting the orca, the trainer or the crowd.
Lv 4 · Locked
Hum a Level 5Required to discuss Level 5 payloads out loud. Unlocks after you’ve survived one.
Passive · cannot be disabled
Cry During Paddington 2You will. Everyone does. It is the single most reliable thing in the Directorate.
The oath

Repeat after us.

  1. I will never screen a good film in a tank.See Report 07. See it once. Don’t see it again.
  2. I will never spoil the ending.There is no ending. They leave first.
  3. I will never look directly at the screen during a Level 5.Watch the orca. The orca will tell you everything you need to know about the film.
  4. I will always rewind the DVD.We are not animals. Well. Some of us are. That’s sort of the whole point.
Enlistment terminal

Sign up. Nothing is sent anywhere.

This form runs entirely in your browser and transmits nothing to anyone, which is also our operational security policy and, frankly, our budget.

~/recruit/enlist.sh